if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
