Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
