i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
