I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
