ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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