Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
