so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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