I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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