theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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