He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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