VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
