at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
