YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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