thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
