oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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