"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
