DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She made me pour olive oil on her.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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