You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
