There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
