Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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