don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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