I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
