Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
40s are totally the cure
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
