I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
