Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
