i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
two words...techno handjob
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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