I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
