Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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