For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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