Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
