your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
