There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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