I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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