brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
