I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
