textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize