my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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