They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
