How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I still have a little drunk in my system
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize