I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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