barbara walters just said penis...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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