He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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