Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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