why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
