Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
