I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
