guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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