I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
