I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
