if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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