Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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