so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize