fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
