No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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