Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
