I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The air was thick with penises
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
