Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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