I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
did i just pee glitter
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
