You're my little dorito
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
