the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
