if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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