is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
