please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
