there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
