its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
