I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
