well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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