before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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