I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
